Wishing you a good morning, Angels.
I've been doing a little research again, due to my having some odd experiences with my cognitive powers, so I'm moved to share a little differently right now.
I think most everyone has had the experience of opening a package of chips, crackers, or something like that and having the glued top of the bag cooperate and separate perfectly so that you can take what you want out of it, and then reseal it with a "chip clip" or something to keep it fresh. I also have to assume that we share the experience where it doesn't cooperate, and tears open in such a way that you have to put it in a new package like a zip-lock bag or something to keep the remnant fresh. Yesterday, after waking up hungry after a two-hour nap, I had the latter experience. My reaction was not normal.
I have been approved for LOA/FMLA at work now until October of next year, if necessary. While I have some vacation time left on the books, I'm using it to stay solvent and not have to go into work at all. Being in pain, and feeling unable to breathe, preclude my even considering it right now. But even being able to nap as much as I like, and whenever I like, I resist it like a child; partly, because I know I'll wake up in one, two or sometimes three hours with pain, discomfort, and lately disorientation. But after I woke from a two-hour nap, I was hungry enough to push past the pain and grab a new box of Stoned Wheat Thins (how very appropos....stoned) which have zero sugars. If you care to, do some genuine research: Sugar, especially in quantity, is both nerve poison and basically 'cancer food'; neither of which is something I'm going to be doing anymore, whenever possible to avoid. Anyhow, my reaction was to get all upset and nearly break into tears that I had done something horrible and irreversible. Now, that's what I call an "odd reaction". Luckily, it passed relatively quickly, but it unnerved me to view myself acting like a doddering old fool. Mick Jagger was right: "What a drag it is gettin' old."
As an aside, and hopefully a point of comfort for you, I am entertaining a very simple tack in my powers of perception: I'm watching all this from the place of "Awareness", and enjoying the ability to witness the mind, body, and brain do their thing without getting too identified with it. I'm NOT the doddering old man; I'm just watching the movie. Still, I had to learn more, since I am now discovering that the radiation continues to "work" even after the treatment itself. Here was the first info of over six and a quarter-million hits on Google search. I'll, of course, be studying quite a bit more. I'm more of the technique of reading dozens of peer-reviewed journals and papers that both agree AND disagree with my suppositions or personal opinions and leanings. I owe it to myself to be informed fully, and not just allow the comfort of "agreement" with some personal favorites.
What is the right frontal lobe of the brain responsible for?
Finally, this email (and to a lesser, and much more limited way. my text messages on the phone and Facebook) are my lifeline. Much as I am almost overwhelmingly compelled, I just can't chance phone calls. So, that said, please engage me as much as you like or can. I love reading and writing letters/emails. I relish it. I'm hesitantly and humbly reaching out here. My guru asks me, "Can you bear your own Silence?" An excellent question, which I ponder regularly, but it is what it is.
It appears this could end up being a kind of bumpy ride, so either strap in or bailout. As I've said: No harm; no foul. I'll understand. I'll keep sharing, in any case.
Love genuinely,
Ken
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